Chapter 5: Escape from LA

Another travel day Space... Travelers. On the road to San Fransisco. Look out Chi, you're being chased.

The funny thing about traffic is this, you always think you're out of it. The psychology involved is much like that of the drug addict or avid smoker. That change as it would be for the better doesn't happen now, but later. That and when things are at their best you are most fearful of relapse.

Traffic no this fine California day was peculiar. I felt like I was being followed. Perhaps I shouldn't have used the lord's name in vein. I think they sent a truck after me.
What they never tell you about the joy of driving a stick shift is that stop and god driving in Los Angeles will exercise your left leg more than doing power squats. Jesus Christ, My legs were sore by time I left. The above self shot "MySpace photo" is noticeably more centered than usual. This is mostly due to the fact that I'm driving zero miles per hour, which considerably reduces my Goddamn task list at the moment of driving.

Okay you get it: "he's swearing for the fun of it now." I'll quit for the time being, because I value all Space Travelers that read my blog. But I am left wondering why of all things this is taken as so offensive? With swear words such as "Fuck" and "Shit" and their usages like...

"You fucker!"

"Jane is a fucking idiot"

"This car is a piece of shit"

"These shitheads keep stealing my Sunday post"

differ greatly from the usages of "God" and "Jesus" as "swear words." These words are more commonly expressed as...

"God Damn car broke down again."

"Jesus Christ! Turn that music down!"

The first mentioned swear words are easily interjected into the holy swear words place, but the holy swear words are awkward in the place of normal swear words. For instance...

"You Goder!"

"Jane is a Jesusing idiot"

"This car is a piece of God!"

"These Jesuses keep stealing my Sunday post!"

In my personal analysis, I don't see the use of "God" and "Jesus" to be swearing or if you are nine years old: "Cussing." I do acknowledge that they have become popular expletives. Expletives however are not exclusively positive or negative. "Wow" is a popular expletive, yet if you were to see some amazing sight and instead say "Oh my God!" or "Jesus" this becomes a act of offense? What does "in vein" mean anyway? Is the trivial use of a deity's name so bad that you can't say it let alone hear someone else say it? "God" isn't even a name to begin with. People certainly aren't saying "Yahweh damn!" as someone cuts them off on the highway. Next, I don't even think the use is trivial to the believer. Saying the "God damn" car broke down again, is a statement on the car, not on god, and the person saying it is certainly not trivializing the relation between the car and God if they believe that god is responsible for everything. Anyways, it's beyond me to understand it.

Hell if you ask me, this is a great act in vein, and uses the word "Jesus." Which reminds me: This is a blog about my trip, and not about etymology. The Jesus sign did make me wonder if the truck had got a head of me and set up a religious checkpoint.The truth is, that L.A. is full of useless signs. This one, who knows what it's for? Windorphans? Sounds twisted in my opinion (I lack a humble opinion on this). I went to the site http://windorphins.ebay.com/special/index.html and as I expected, it was full of just fucking nonsense. Returning to the fact that this was on a sign that millions of hot and angry people pass in traffic, I am left asking myself "who other than a person, who travels and writes about the things he see is going to take the time to visit the site for some product that they don't know what it is just because they saw a sign for it?" I'm starting to believe it was placed there exclusively for me. They must have known I'd take a photo and then post about it. Ingenious!

In rare and fleeting moments when the car was moving over 10mph, I would find myself in new areas of the city. By the way, smog is real. I can't believe how much it cut down visibility in the city. Above is the only skyline shot I got with buildings. Ridiculous says me.

Plantiff: Alias Seiichi Tagami

Defendant: Los Angeles

Charge: Being a hot, polluted city with bad highways, worse drivers, and no foreseeable redeeming qualities.

Verdict: Guilty.

Once I escaped LA, I went into some mountains, about 4000ft above sea level at max, and then like a roller coaster I went down and into California's central valley. The Central valley is a giant expanse of land where I can only imagine countless orchards and crops are grown. It was incredibly flat, almost Nebraska-flat to the east. To the west, there were many rolling hills covered in a golden short grass.

A note to all Space Travelers: This is an area where you can speed your ass off. Every car was going at least 80mph. But be careful not to go over 88mph, if you do you may go back in time.

I spent many boring hours on the road in the valley, and it would have been intolerable if it had not been for my stand up comedy CDs my sister made before I left. Thank Go- goodness for David Cross. Had I not had something to laugh at I might have lost my mind. Amongst the static scenery, one thing to look at did change: JFK's check engine light cam on about 200 miles away from my destination.

The problem was later resolved. my 4th cylinder was misfiring and I had to change a spark plug. Normally a simple task, but it was not so easy on JFK's boxer flat H4 motor. It's honestly worth a whole post in itself, but frankly it was exhausting already once, I don't need to relive it. chances are I'll be changing the other three once I'm back in Springfield anyway. sigh.

As I left the central valley and headed west towards San Ramon, I was pleasantly surprised by Earth propellers! They were everywhere. California really does its part in making the world go around. I had heard that San Fransisco was a down to earth kind of place, it's time to test that.

Space Travelers, good night and here's to one for the lamest stretches of my trip thus far, may it go unchallenged. Being that I'm going to one of America's most crunchy granola cities, make sure that this week you eat as much bran as possible.

Hero out.