Chapter 26: Families of Ours

Happy retro post Space Travelers! It's May 2009, and I'm sending this blog entry into the future to offer a really lame excuse for not updating more frequently!

I'm here in Seattle for Western Kelrod's graduation! He just completed his M.S. in Game Design at Digipen, a school about making video games. He says it's a lot like Hogwarts with no chicks. I had no taken the time yet to come and visit, so I figured this would be a great time to come out to one of my favorite cities in the USA!

I'm not alone though. Kelly's family is here. A lively bunch they are. They are all young and excited about being together. I can't help but feel a certain longing when I'm around them. It's a peculiar desire. I want to be a part of it. Please, please, please let this become a sit-com, I'm so perfect for the role of witty neighbor.

I have a big personality. It can be proto-obnoxious if you don't get it, but it's not actually egocentric. There were many times when in large groups I'd find myself talking or telling stories and I became very self aware. These were Kelly's days to shine, and I didn't want to steal the spot light and embarrass myself. If I found myself talking too much, I'd retreat behind my laptop and be as quiet as a... something ultra fucking quiet. Kelly actually noticed. He talked to me about it and I explained how I was worried that I'd talk too much and how I was super proud of him and I didn't want to distract from anything. He said that people like my stories and that he was happy that I came. It didn't change how I felt, I tried my best to not speak as much over the rest of the time, or I'd try to only comment on the family's stories.

I guess the longing to belong in that loving family perhaps made me self conscious about what I do for affection and how I worry I'm perceived.
I grew up in a house where my family took others in, I certainly had other 2nd order homes, but mine was base; mine was prime; mine was the one above all others that the family only seemed to grow. I've been a part of letting others in, but I've never been a person to be let in myself. The Jacob's family, with there energy and excitement is hard not to covet and I wanted in, even if as the sit-com neighbor.