A Cheers From a Forgotten Blog

Greetings from Seattle Space Travelers. I wrote this on a old blog from some 4 years ago. I wrote it the evening I turned 22. A couple weeks ago I turned 26. I thought I would seek out and find it then repost it for everyone here.

A Cheers

Now at 22,
looking back
I see that my training wheels are off
and that I am finally a part of life.
So to those
who helped me
I give you
cheers.

To Jeremy’s departure.
If you had not left
I would have latched on to you
forever.

To the kids with razor tongues and spiteful eyes.
Not envy,
just destruction.
Because you made me
Hate you
and love
me.

To Smarts.
For making me survive
jealous love
Yet still laugh at all my
Desperate jokes.

To Kathy.
The first lamb
I
ever thought
I could
marry.

To Jose.
Because
you became family
and truly my
brother.

To Taylor.
A partner in crime,
A madman with
cap and a camera.
We could have been rivals,
We choose to be best friends.
Don’t ever quit.

To Corinne.
You told me
to do what ever it takes
to make myself free.
And I’ve been doing my best.
I’m glad you can swim
in the stardust
and sleep in peace

To the kids with shining wheels and the girls with the tight sweaters.
Fuck you.

To Steph.
For imagination.
For respect.
For love.

To countless teachers and counselors.
For not believing in me.
For the patience they denied.
For my time they took.
For every “F.”
I’ll still win without you.

To Sensei.
For commanding my respect
in my youth.
Not an easy task.
Thank
You.

To Dr. Toste.
Never my teacher,
just a grumpy old man
Never afraid to remind me
That I was just
another
asshole kid
dancing like jackass
on the paper thin stage of
life.
Thank you,
And I’m sorry,
Pot-luck means bring something,
I’ll never forget again.

To Meagan.
For innocence
For focus.
For near death.

To the bird.
For shitting on my car.
Or at least trying

To Dr. Fannin.
For exercising no compassion
For a 2ft yard stick.
Yeah,
fuck you too.

To every genius I encounter.
For keeping me sober and humble.
Because
I could be just like you.
But my dunce cap
keeps me warm

To Mother,
For the leather skin,
For the weapon of reason,
For the weapon of forgiveness.
I wield them well
And
Do great harm.

To Ismael,
You wanted me to be; to exist.
Thank you
for your
prayers.

To Junior Flores.
For training my ears
to the tune
of a sweet and low tongue
that speaks only artificial sweetener.
Still a donkey
with his
carrot in the mud

To Senior Flores.
For training my heart
To speak.
For poems.
For songs.
For something human.
Check me out.

To Maia.
To a hero.
My sister
and
most loyal fan

To boys with hungry mouths and loose zippers.
Because they never taste life,
And their zippers will eventually rust.

To Father,
For a legacy,
For pride,
For compassion,
For real masculinity,
For strength.
I’ll never cut my hair.
I’ll never say die.

Kanpai. (Cheers.)

Chapter 4, Verse 3: The California Sunset

Sorry for the tardiness on post as of late. I've been thinking about what to share. I have a few stories, but I thought I'd start spreading out my information a little more. I've been on many small sorties lately. I've found great pleasure in my independence and grabbing the keys to my car and getting "lost" seems to be a favorite pass time, specifically if that involves going to the beach and just wandering.
As I wrote this in the sand I was approached by a young boy. Naturally I thought he was curious about what I was writing and stepped aside. Judging by the boy's age, I would guess he had some reading ability and was excited to practice his skills. However, as I moved to give the youth a better view of my scribe, the boy simply told me in a voice that a child talks about his favorite toy that he had peed in the ocean. Shortly after we parted company.
As it turns out after several days of beach going, i had found that the cheapest activity on the beach was to simply walk on it, which I enjoyed. I realize now that because I am someone who enjoys long walks on the beach, I have increased my stock. I am now more attractive to about 99.99% of the worlds population.

the 0.01% of course representing the computer scientists.

As my trip continues, my thoughts have started to return to what comes next. I find that SoCal life style makes me dream of what can happen in the future, but the problem is that I can't dream of the future, without thinking about the future as a product of my past. This has caused me great anxiety.
However times like the above, make me feel at peace. I feel that some day my life may return to a pace where I can take friends and family to eat cake on the cliffs and watch that golden globe extinguish in the sea.
I know that where ever I go, there will still be boats exploding out of buildings; that life can continue as normal; that I don't need to be so anxious about the future.

But despite all the comforts of this trip, I still feel haunted by what is to come. My career which is yet to start seems to be so important. This honestly kind of pisses me off. I never wanted to have to be so concerned, but with my grades and no professional engineering experience, I just don't know what is going to happen to me. I wish (and I hate wishing) that I could have some security. I wish that I simply knew that I'd be employed come next May, so that I could take my final year at school and be more of myself.

I feel like the sunset is coming on my college life, and as I enter my twilight hour in Rolla, I want to be able to enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed these beautiful sunsets.

So as I enjoy my wine, I share with you the lyrics which have haunted my mind ever since I first heard them.

They took your life apart, and called you failure's art, but they were wrong though, and they won't know, until tomorrow.
~Elliott Smith - "Tomorrow, Tomorrow"

So here's to tomorrow. Cheers.