As I wrote this in the sand I was approached by a young boy. Naturally I thought he was curious about what I was writing and stepped aside. Judging by the boy's age, I would guess he had some reading ability and was excited to practice his skills. However, as I moved to give the youth a better view of my scribe, the boy simply told me in a voice that a child talks about his favorite toy that he had peed in the ocean. Shortly after we parted company.
As it turns out after several days of beach going, i had found that the cheapest activity on the beach was to simply walk on it, which I enjoyed. I realize now that because I am someone who enjoys long walks on the beach, I have increased my stock. I am now more attractive to about 99.99% of the worlds population.the 0.01% of course representing the computer scientists.
As my trip continues, my thoughts have started to return to what comes next. I find that SoCal life style makes me dream of what can happen in the future, but the problem is that I can't dream of the future, without thinking about the future as a product of my past. This has caused me great anxiety.
However times like the above, make me feel at peace. I feel that some day my life may return to a pace where I can take friends and family to eat cake on the cliffs and watch that golden globe extinguish in the sea.
I know that where ever I go, there will still be boats exploding out of buildings; that life can continue as normal; that I don't need to be so anxious about the future.
But despite all the comforts of this trip, I still feel haunted by what is to come. My career which is yet to start seems to be so important. This honestly kind of pisses me off. I never wanted to have to be so concerned, but with my grades and no professional engineering experience, I just don't know what is going to happen to me. I wish (and I hate wishing) that I could have some security. I wish that I simply knew that I'd be employed come next May, so that I could take my final year at school and be more of myself.
I feel like the sunset is coming on my college life, and as I enter my twilight hour in Rolla, I want to be able to enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed these beautiful sunsets.
So as I enjoy my wine, I share with you the lyrics which have haunted my mind ever since I first heard them.
They took your life apart, and called you failure's art, but they were wrong though, and they won't know, until tomorrow.
~Elliott Smith - "Tomorrow, Tomorrow"
So here's to tomorrow. Cheers.
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