Chapter 5: Escape from LA

Another travel day Space... Travelers. On the road to San Fransisco. Look out Chi, you're being chased.

The funny thing about traffic is this, you always think you're out of it. The psychology involved is much like that of the drug addict or avid smoker. That change as it would be for the better doesn't happen now, but later. That and when things are at their best you are most fearful of relapse.

Traffic no this fine California day was peculiar. I felt like I was being followed. Perhaps I shouldn't have used the lord's name in vein. I think they sent a truck after me.
What they never tell you about the joy of driving a stick shift is that stop and god driving in Los Angeles will exercise your left leg more than doing power squats. Jesus Christ, My legs were sore by time I left. The above self shot "MySpace photo" is noticeably more centered than usual. This is mostly due to the fact that I'm driving zero miles per hour, which considerably reduces my Goddamn task list at the moment of driving.

Okay you get it: "he's swearing for the fun of it now." I'll quit for the time being, because I value all Space Travelers that read my blog. But I am left wondering why of all things this is taken as so offensive? With swear words such as "Fuck" and "Shit" and their usages like...

"You fucker!"

"Jane is a fucking idiot"

"This car is a piece of shit"

"These shitheads keep stealing my Sunday post"

differ greatly from the usages of "God" and "Jesus" as "swear words." These words are more commonly expressed as...

"God Damn car broke down again."

"Jesus Christ! Turn that music down!"

The first mentioned swear words are easily interjected into the holy swear words place, but the holy swear words are awkward in the place of normal swear words. For instance...

"You Goder!"

"Jane is a Jesusing idiot"

"This car is a piece of God!"

"These Jesuses keep stealing my Sunday post!"

In my personal analysis, I don't see the use of "God" and "Jesus" to be swearing or if you are nine years old: "Cussing." I do acknowledge that they have become popular expletives. Expletives however are not exclusively positive or negative. "Wow" is a popular expletive, yet if you were to see some amazing sight and instead say "Oh my God!" or "Jesus" this becomes a act of offense? What does "in vein" mean anyway? Is the trivial use of a deity's name so bad that you can't say it let alone hear someone else say it? "God" isn't even a name to begin with. People certainly aren't saying "Yahweh damn!" as someone cuts them off on the highway. Next, I don't even think the use is trivial to the believer. Saying the "God damn" car broke down again, is a statement on the car, not on god, and the person saying it is certainly not trivializing the relation between the car and God if they believe that god is responsible for everything. Anyways, it's beyond me to understand it.

Hell if you ask me, this is a great act in vein, and uses the word "Jesus." Which reminds me: This is a blog about my trip, and not about etymology. The Jesus sign did make me wonder if the truck had got a head of me and set up a religious checkpoint.The truth is, that L.A. is full of useless signs. This one, who knows what it's for? Windorphans? Sounds twisted in my opinion (I lack a humble opinion on this). I went to the site http://windorphins.ebay.com/special/index.html and as I expected, it was full of just fucking nonsense. Returning to the fact that this was on a sign that millions of hot and angry people pass in traffic, I am left asking myself "who other than a person, who travels and writes about the things he see is going to take the time to visit the site for some product that they don't know what it is just because they saw a sign for it?" I'm starting to believe it was placed there exclusively for me. They must have known I'd take a photo and then post about it. Ingenious!

In rare and fleeting moments when the car was moving over 10mph, I would find myself in new areas of the city. By the way, smog is real. I can't believe how much it cut down visibility in the city. Above is the only skyline shot I got with buildings. Ridiculous says me.

Plantiff: Alias Seiichi Tagami

Defendant: Los Angeles

Charge: Being a hot, polluted city with bad highways, worse drivers, and no foreseeable redeeming qualities.

Verdict: Guilty.

Once I escaped LA, I went into some mountains, about 4000ft above sea level at max, and then like a roller coaster I went down and into California's central valley. The Central valley is a giant expanse of land where I can only imagine countless orchards and crops are grown. It was incredibly flat, almost Nebraska-flat to the east. To the west, there were many rolling hills covered in a golden short grass.

A note to all Space Travelers: This is an area where you can speed your ass off. Every car was going at least 80mph. But be careful not to go over 88mph, if you do you may go back in time.

I spent many boring hours on the road in the valley, and it would have been intolerable if it had not been for my stand up comedy CDs my sister made before I left. Thank Go- goodness for David Cross. Had I not had something to laugh at I might have lost my mind. Amongst the static scenery, one thing to look at did change: JFK's check engine light cam on about 200 miles away from my destination.

The problem was later resolved. my 4th cylinder was misfiring and I had to change a spark plug. Normally a simple task, but it was not so easy on JFK's boxer flat H4 motor. It's honestly worth a whole post in itself, but frankly it was exhausting already once, I don't need to relive it. chances are I'll be changing the other three once I'm back in Springfield anyway. sigh.

As I left the central valley and headed west towards San Ramon, I was pleasantly surprised by Earth propellers! They were everywhere. California really does its part in making the world go around. I had heard that San Fransisco was a down to earth kind of place, it's time to test that.

Space Travelers, good night and here's to one for the lamest stretches of my trip thus far, may it go unchallenged. Being that I'm going to one of America's most crunchy granola cities, make sure that this week you eat as much bran as possible.

Hero out.

Chapter 3: Negitive Altitude, Radiators, and The Border Patrol

Being that I had many days of rough exercise, I choose to sleep in a little today before hitting the road. sleeping in was no problem as Chapter 4 is one for the shortest in my entire trip. I only had a 370 mile drive today. Starting in Phoenix, at an altitude of about 1000 ft I proceeded south down a barren stretch known as HWY 85. Along the drive I saw a prison in the middle of the dessert and was reminded of the movie "Cool Hand Luke."

Once I got to Yuma, I was below sea level and of all things to see on the sea floor I saw airplanes! I love airplanes. Said little creatures looked like they were tied to the ground. What a shame.
Very shortly after Yuma, I enter a small mountain range. The mountains were really cool, but I knew I'd see better before the day was up.
After the small mountain range, I entered and large area of sand dunes. The photo above shows the tire tracks of local off road vehicles as they climbed the dunes. I could tell JFK wanted to stop, but I knew that getting to San Diego was top priority. that and I told my Pops I wouldn't go off-roading.

The dunes soon faded and I entered the lower mountains in California. Going from what was below sea level earlier in the day, to now what was above 4000ft. And as a special surprise, guess what? Earth propellers! Keep the world spinning California!

The mountains weren't all fun though. The bummer police A.K.A. the border patrol had a checkpoint set up. I had to answer a bunch of questions.

BP: Are you traveling alone?

Chi: Yes.

BP: Who owns all the stuff in the back [of the car]?"

Chi: I do.

BP: You sure?

Chi: Yes.

BP: You have any cocaine or marijuana in there?

Chi: Nope.

BP: You sure?

Chi: Positive.

BP: Where you headed? Are you from in state?

Chi: San Diego, to see family. I'm from Missouri.

BP: Are you a citizen of the USA?

Chi: Blue blooded american sir.

BP: Welcome to California.

Phew... Good thing he didn't ask me if I was traveling with any Afghan black tar heroin. I'd sure be in a pinch. Just as a side note, I wasn't asked to provide any documentation either. May I also bring to your attention, I drive a station wagon. In the back I chose to cover up my belongings with a black blanket. I look pretty suspect, yet no fifth degree? I kinda wish I had picked of an illegal just for sport. I guess I'll save it for the next road trip. Or I can smuggle a Canadian over the border when I'm in Washington.

Take that system! Remember the name! I am Chi, space traveler to the internet bored, and nerd alike. I am the trouble maker on the interstate. I'm so cool I stop at green lights and I'm not sorry!

Well, all shenanigans aside, I made it to my aunt's in San Diego, and I'm enjoying the luxuries of the SoCal life, see above picture of back yard and canyon cabin. My aunt and uncle have the most amazing home. I'll post more photos soon. I have glass of wine with my name on it, goodnight space travelers.

Chapter 1, Verse 2: Wind Robots, God Robots, & Aviators

In the morning, I woke Lane to tell him I was leaving. He told me through his door to drive safe. It seemed like rational advice so I took it. Before leaving I played with the house cat, "Data," for a minute, then brushed my teeth.
Once on the road I found that western Oklahoma was really interesting! As you can tell by the crystal clear photo above, I was in high spirits. However, despite being my normal charming self, something was missing, and there were many miles before I'd be at my final destination for the day: Albuquerque, NM. Hey! Check it out! Earth propellers! Evaluating all empirical evidence available, I have two hypothesis as to their purpose.
1) These propellers spin and cause the world to spin! Fantastical!
2) Wind from thermal currents spins the propellers and generates energy! Clean Energy! All the energy we could ever want to power our oil wells and refineries!
Either way, I was pleased.

Once across the Texas, something seemed different. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but in the vast expance that is Texas, I felt like I was safe, or saved... safed. Maybe it was because I was near the Western Hemisphere's largest cross! Being that I saw no giant Jesus on the iron cross, I came to the most rational conclusion: The Jesus robot was out on patrol patrol (if you don't get that joke, you need to see UCB).
Honestly though, A cross that size can save a lot of people. Like two busses full of sleeping children. Sadly, big as it may be, the giant robot cross was still insufficiant at saving a savage like me. Something was still missing, I thought is was salvation, but as I neared Amarillo I found what was missing.
Aviator sunglasses! Or as my esteemed friend Stir would say: "BAPS." Bad Ass Pilot Shades. Once acquired, my road stats certainly improved. More to come as I approach NM.